Gratitude Gatherer even when your Daddy is taken.

That was nearly a year ago that i made my past post. I admit I was quite nervous about sharing via the world wide web. However, I have gathered my courage and have decided to "pick up my pen" yet again. Or so to speak.

Since my previous blog entry about my Mom and her journey, so much has happened. It has been a whirlwind of "life." I don't claim that our life is any different then anyone else out there. I have my insecurities and what nots just like everyone else. I have failures and make huge mistakes. Nothing about me says I have a right to have any sort of opinion. My hope is that I would never come across as a someone that is better then anyone else. We are all on our own journey through this life. I am working just as hard as the next person to find peace, grace, solace, and gratitude amidst my own journey.

Last summer we were so thankful to have my sister and her 3 children back from Egypt. We enjoyed a summer full of memories with my parents back on the lake where they have lived now for nearly a decade. Bike rides through the sleepy little resort town. Beaches, campsites and boats nearly make this little town seem like a little slice of apple pie Americana. The Norman Rockwell type of place where families come for a summer holiday. All of my sibling's families love to return to my parents lakefront home to enjoy the relaxing affects of "Lake livin" in North Central Arkansas. The summer includes weenie roasts, bonfires, boat rides, fishing, fire flies and laughter. Memories to cherish for a lifetime.

And that's just what they were. By the end of the summer all the family had returned home, and were getting back into the busy and hectic ho-hum of the kids school routine. Mom had another incident toward the end of summer that had us all worried. Something happened with her heart and she was rushed to a local hospital for testing and a few days rest in the hospital. Nothing was conclusive and so she was sent home. To this day, we aren't sure what happened, except it could have been over exhaustion from the crazy of having all the kids and grands home for the summer. We were relieved that there wasn't anything more serious going on. Life continued on w/ church, bible studies, her exercise classes and her weekly "Sing". One day i'll share w/ you about her weekly singing group. Locally, here in the South, these types of groups exist. Its a group of locals coming together for a good Ole Timer toe tappin', banjo and guitar pickin' Sing. Its considered by some as "hillbilly" but mostly its Southern country living exemplified. Its bluegrass at its best. And they are a dying breed. And Mom is blessed to enjoy her time with this local group each week.

We had no idea that my Dad would pass away on Sunday Nov. 10 and 11th, 2013. And one day, I want to share all about my Dad's amazing legacy, but for now let me share the details of this day. Life was going on for my parents. Dad was still preaching at the the local community Bible church were he was still Senior pastor. He was in his 92nd year in age and was still going strong. I know people are shocked when I say my Dad was still preaching at 92. But He was still so amazing in spirit. He and his associate Pastor Willie would switch weeks so Dad could still share his love for Jesus in the pulpit. Dad had been preaching for 70 years by this time. And our family as been used to the Sunday morning "church routine" of getting there early and staying late. And Dad was excited each week to see Jesus show up and visit during services each week. Which I believe Dad ushered there through his powerful personal Prayer life.

That day, Dad enjoyed the morning service and even led a hymn. By the afternoon He and Mom were off to a afternoon fundraising "Sing" at the Community Center for a family who had just lost children in a tragic car wreck. The Sing was led by a family who sings gospel music locally. During the worship session they sang "I'll Fly Away" and were onto singing "I Stand Amazed" when my precious Daddy fell back and instantly was standing amazed TRULY in the presence of Jesus his Lord.

When this happened, my sweet Momma didn't know that Dad had passed and thought he was unconscious. She was in complete shock as we call imagine. And so 911 was called. I want people to understand that Dad had a DNR but wasn't wearing anything to notify EMS of his choice. And so their duty is to SAVE. And so after being revived and brought back, They realized how serious he was, and so he was life flighted to a local hospital. In this process I was called and since I am the only child that lives close enough to get there quick enough, I needed to come NOW. I can only remember rushing to pack my 4 children with my husbands help amidst tears streaming down my face. Everything was happening in slow motion at that point. My first thought was about me driving my 4 children alone, and  I thought about driving 3.5 hours through the dark Ozark Mountains knowing they were packed full of deer on the move since rifled deer season had just started.

Somehow in my "fog," we got my vehicle packed as I was making phone calls to my siblings and all the other family members. I was told that Dad was revived and he was on life support and that they didn't know if he could even hear them. And that they were waiting for me to come to say goodbye. Come say goodbye. Deafening words for this youngest daughter to hear. No child at any age is ready to say goodbye to their parent.  To this day, I don't know how we made it safely across the nearly 4 hours without stopping. Me w/ my 4 children. My husband Shawn had to stay home since we didn't know if I would be coming home in a day a week or what. We made the choice that it was best he stay home until we knew more. He didn't like the idea as much as I, but we prayed that God would protect his family through the roads safely to my Mom's side.

God continued to be in the details of this situation because not only did all the people praying the deer off the roads that night, but that I arrived safely, the 4 kids traveled amazingly, and He was taken to a town where I had dear friends to help w/ kids if need be. I was met by 2 of my dearest High School friend at the front doors of the hospital holding food and open arms for hugs and tears. I gathered my courage and we went to the ICU. There we were met with more family and Dad's associate pastor and his wife, and Mom. Talking about this I am sure brings back your own memories of your own circumstance. I hadn't known what to expect when seeing my precious Dad. But there he was. There he laid. Machines all over him and nearly unrecognizable. All the wires, tubes and machines. While traveling I had been in constant contact with my family already there. Mom had told me that we could decide about "turning him off" when I arrived. My other siblings had also gave me permission to decide that as well via our phone calls.  But when I seen Dad. I knew. :( I took one look and knew. Everyone left the room, including Mom so I could say my goodbyes. I had to be strong, I had to find peace as I cuddled up next to my Daddy and said.

"Dad, I don't think you can hear me because by the looks of it, your already in Heaven. But if you can hear me, I came to say my goodbyes and to tell you I love you. I couldn't have asked for a more exceptional father, I cant tell you thank you enough for adopting me, You will always be my hero. The other kids know your here and told me to tell you they love you too. We all love you dearly, don't worry about Mom. We will take good care of her. Go and be with your Saviour. Its okay Dad, Go...!!"

My husband and I said some of the same thing nearly 2 years earlier to his Daddy as he let go of his cancer battle. There I was, tears blurring my vision,  holding Dads hand, a hand I wanted to never forget. I wiped my tears because I wanted him to journey quickly, and not have his body held on earth while his spirit was somewhere else. I knew about his DNR and knew his wishes. Being hooked up to machines keeping him alive was never what he wanted. So quickly I called for the doctor and Mom came too. I told them it was okay for them to go ahead and have the machines turned off. That it was time to let him go on his own terms. I hated seeing Mom like that, but I knew that we couldn't delay his journey. I hated what it meant for her. Here she was in her own cancer journey and now her biggest advocate was suddenly taken. It was so hard, but We had to trust God and His plan.

And so the machines were taken off and Dad's heart beat long enough for my 3 eldest to say goodbye to their Grampie. We called my brothers and sisters to tell them that we had turned off the machines and now we waited for the final breaths. I prayed. I prayed and prayed that God would take him soon. I didn't want to see Mom have watch him slowly go. When Shawn's daddy passed, he journeyed so slowly. It was heart wrenching to watch my Mother in law and my brother and sister in laws. I didn't want to see my own Momma go through that. Because I already knew how hard it would be. God answered my prayer. And after only a few short hours, Dad's body met his spirit on Monday Nov 11. Veterans Day. A day to honor our veterans. Dad would have been proud to know he journeyed that day. As he was very proud of them and our country. It was a honor for him to go physically that day. Even though we acknowledge that his spirit went the day prior in full worship of his King.

When Dad passed, I did what I had also done with Father in law, and that is to send Mom on with family and to wait for the funeral home director to come and to help him and the nurses wrap Dad's body and lovingly help lift and take his body down to the Hearse. I don't know if that is part of my Native American culture but I have always felt that part of their journeying is to go with the body until you cant anymore. To make sure that their bodies are honored and respected until you can no longer physically be with them. I felt honor to take both my Daddy and my sweet father in law out of the hospital. I told them I would honor them this way. And each time it helped in my own healing because I knew that it was what I was asked to do. I don't expect others to understand that, or to even consider doing that. But it's within me to go the distance in honor of these men who are part of the fabric and thread of who my family and children are. Its just what I need to do to show them great honor.

I want to share more tomorrow about this past few months. But first, let me say this. Mother's Day made it 6 months since Dad passed. And over Mother's Day, Mom was able to spend a much needed time away from her cancer journey and continue on her healing emotionally from Dad's passing and is enjoying this time in Egypt with my older sister. What a blessing for them to spend this time together. I am blessed that they can be together to help encourage each other in this way. This past weekend for me was extremely hard. But I made it through because all though i have my moments, I know where he is. And that is what brings so much comfort in those moments when He is sorely missed. 

For me, I understand that part of living is dying. Part of this journey in life is also losing people. As we age it seems that the loss in our lives become greater and greater. Life goes on and we grieve. We grieve for many reasons and through different seasons on and off again until we make our own spirit journey to heaven.  For my own travel, I have realized that the only way to survive and overcome is to be a Gatherer of Gratitude. Because in the thankfulness, you find grace, and hope, and joy and peace. All are things needed to travel this life. Gods blessings on you today and always. We are blessed because God is always so good. Even in our toughest of times. He is good.  

"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ." Philippians 3:20